the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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