He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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