So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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