I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
