so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
