My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
