I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
