Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
