my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
