in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
