seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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