But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
