My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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