you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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