How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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