dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
