I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
