Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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