things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
