my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
