How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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