My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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