I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
