my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
