i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
