you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
