you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
