Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Less talking, more tequila
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
