Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
