I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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