I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
