glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
