walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
