every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He felt like a one man threesome
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
