New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
