I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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