But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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