if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Michael Bay diarrhea
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think my moral compass just broke
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
