Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
