is your mom at the bar?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
