worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
