took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
