Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
