as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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