If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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