guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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