Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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