watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I looked at my own cervix.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm like, not good at living.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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