Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
