My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
