Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
