Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's shark week go big or go home
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
