So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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