every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
