absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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