My hand turned me down
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
