I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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